Blessings

Well I don’t even know where to start…I sit here listening to the Jeremy Camp station on Pandora reflecting on life and what direction I am heading wondering if how I’ve made it this far.  Let me tell you more about myself…Life hasn’t been easy but it definitely could’ve been worse.  My dad became disabled at the age of 30 with 2 bulging discs, a herniated disc, and degenerative disc disease.  My mom had to go from being a stay at home mom to working 3 jobs while I, being the eldest, took on most of the house chores.  At the age of 8 I grew up fast and took on a lot and stayed strong for my younger sister who was too young at that time to fully understand what was going on.  My dad went through a period of great depression because he couldn’t provide for his family anymore and he saw the toll it put on my mom.  I would stay up long nights with him talking him through his depression afraid he may attempt suicide.  He would reassure me that he loved us too much to commit suicide but made it clear that the pain was so bad that if it wasn’t for us he would’ve killed himself. We fought for 6 years trying to get disability and because a judge messed up paperwork 4 years earlier, that’s why it took 6 years to get it.  While people would go in with broken arms and walk out with disability it took us 6 years.  This is why it doesn’t really matter what judges say they make mistakes i know that first hand.  A lot of the time to cover their own ass or the ass of other judges.  Our court system is so messed up its ridiculous..But the story doesn’t end there, after we got disability we moved to a place where i finally had my own room and we spent the next four years there.  My freshman year i was diagnosed with bipolar and depression along with anger issues.  I never had any interest in drugs but i did start to cut myself to release all the confused and angry thoughts i had.  I ended up telling my parents a year later because i wanted help i wanted to get better so they sent me to a psychologist.  She was through the church and we would pray and talk and it helped so much.  I felt the power of Gods love and overcame a lot of my issues without the need of medication.  She said that I had taken on so much at such a young age it took a toll on my mentality along with being bullied all through school.  But those days showed me how much God loved me and how he was always there for me no matter what.  Then i graduated high school and two months later we had a house fire and lost everything..All my high school memories where just gone.  I was working full time and staying up helping my dad categorize everything so we could get our insurance.  I’d stay up all night then work a 7-3 and do it all over again for a month straight.  I had signed up for the army and was leaving in February.  When i got there i ended up being medically discharged and am considered a veteran; not that i deserve it.  I then moved out on my own in July and that turned out horrible.  Two abusive boyfriends and a horrible roommate later I’m in debt and back living with my parents but the one thing good that came out of it was Nathan and I getting back together. Now I am in school and am doing so well.  Still being bullied (not at school) but now i have people who care about me and want to see me succeed so those who are against me i laugh.  I feel bad for them that picking on me is all they can do with their lives; as if bringing me down makes them happy/feel good about themselves.  Well now you know i am way tougher than anyone thinks and it takes a lot more than a few words to get me down anymore.  I’ve learned that I am worth so much more than a couple people with issues within themselves.  I pray for them that they find peace and happiness in their life so they can stop hurting others.  I haven’t been loyal to God completely, I’ve been fighting with being Wiccan for a while going back and forth because some things just don’t make sense to me.  But a dream the other night comforted me..it was like hearing God for myself and he said “You will never know everything but know that I love you.” That comforted me more than anything in my life ever has..it was like he knew exactly what to tell me and how to tell me to make me never question again.  I may never fully understand the bible but i now fully understand God.  God is love and he loves us all no matter what we’ve done no matter how many times we’ve betrayed him he still loves us unconditionally.  I love everyone..I don’t hate anyone, not because Jesus says not to, but because hate only rots your soul while love makes it flourish.  Hate does nothing for anyone..it just makes you more angry and more upset then you need to be.  Nathan is an amazing example of that and his love for people and forgiveness for those who have hurt him amazes me.  He is an amazing man that i am so lucky to have.  Athena Keener and Jai Bravo I have already said this to you through message but i am publicly saying i apologize for anything in the past that may have hurt you.  I am sorry for hurting you and  know that I don’t hate you, i don’t wish anything bad on you, and you can either accept or not accept my apology that is up to you.  I pray for you and E that she may grow up a strong, independent, Jesus loving, beautiful woman. And that her mother teaches her these qualities which I think you will.  With that I end this long blog.

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2 thoughts on “Blessings

  1. Thank you for sharing this, Kristen. You need to understand that what Athena & I have done is not bullying. Don’t make yourself a victim where you aren’t. You may apologize for what you’ve done, but it doesn’t make the consequences of your actions magically disappear. Do we forgive you? Yes, we do. But it’s a process. To deny that is lying to oneself. And no offense to your veteran status, but my dad served 26yrs. My bro-in-law did two tours in iraq and suffers daily, as do we his family. My friends on twitter are missing limbs. My friends here suffer from wars in the past. Going in for whatever time you were in, and a stamp on papers classifying you as a veteran doesn’t make you one, & it’s a slap in the face to throw that around when all you did was what? Go through basic? Push some papers until you got discharged? Have some respect for the ones who actually fought, sacrificed years of their life, to provide us freedom. Your comment on the judges is a passive aggressive slap in Athena’s face. And is the type of behavior that makes the forgiveness process take longer. Yes, judges screw up. But the Keener’s had multiple judges. And you guys had one of the most crooked lawyers in the area. Ask Athena about his past. Bottom line is evidence spoke the truth in this case and more than one judge ruled on it. Leaves little room for judge error. This eats at you more than you admit & I suggest you find the facts, talk to people involved, not just what Nathan or his family tells you. And while you’re at it, we’ve had to hear the sob story of yours & Nathan’s life, but not once do you even consider what Athena has went through in hers. You want to see a strong person, look at how much she’s changed since she was your age. We all have improvements to make, but I encourage you to shed the victim status. Saying you’re tough, and loving yourself doesn’t make you less of a victim. It’s a sign than you’re overcompensating for being one. Loving yourself isn’t biblical. Love God with all your heart all your soul and no one before Him. Yes God loves you. But He doesn’t call for us to love ourselves. My advice to you is this, you need to be very careful with what you support and saying you’re a Christian. Your support of some things doesn’t hinder my walk, but it just might hinder someone else who is on the fence about Christianity. Being a Christian isn’t all about love. It’s about our sin as well and how it separates us from God. Christ died a horrific death b/c of our sin. To walk through life ignoring our sin is to belittle Christ’s work on the cross. God and Jesus are ONE. He loves us deeply, whether we turn to Him or not. But He does NOT love our sin, & there is no biblical support of Him loving that which He calls sinful. I suggest John Piper & Ravi Zacharias for Bible studies. There are apps for Ravi. I also suggest those apologetics sites I gave you, STR.org & CARM.org for when you have questions. Type your topic/question in the search and you’ll get some answers based on scripture. There are also good cases laid out by a former atheist for Creation, Christ, & Faith. Look for Lee Strobel. Secondly, leave wicca alone. That sh*t will mess you up. Satan masquerades as an angel of light. Ponder that heavily. Third, when you feel you’ve been bullied, I ask you to stop and think of Pastor Saeed. Look him up. Think of the Christians slaughtered daily for their faith. Being a Christian isn’t a free pass to happiness & a life of ease. We become the enemy in this world because guess who is in charge of this world? Satan. Guess who is the head of wicca? Satan. Darkness & light cannot be together. Last, I’m sorry if my behavior to you comes off as bullying. Again, you are facing consequences of your actions towards Athena. And I’ve held back a lot because I know you’re fragile. But I won’t stand by & watch my friends attacked, & I won’t sit quietly while someone claims Christianity but supports things Christ died for. I appreciate your apology and am working on forgiving you of the things done to Athena – which there are still things that need rectified. But I will struggle w your stance on sinful issues and your support of such. It doesn’t make me hateful. It doesn’t make God hateful. It doesn’t make me a bully. It’s standing up for what I believe against those who twist God’s word & mar Christianity by their actions. I struggle daily w my actions, & you won’t see me justifying my sin w God’s word. Everything we say & do should be to God’s glory, not ourselves or others. Something we ALL need to remember. God loves us, & we ought to love Him above all else. God hates our sin, & we should hate our sin as well. I leave you with my favorite passage in the Bible: Pslam 139

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  2. Sorry it’s taken me a while to respond. We were at church camp and didn’t want to wear out my thumbs while typing a response.

    When I comment on things you post, it’s isn’t because it’s you who’s posting.It’s because of the things you post. We can argue all dang day about the Biblical response to homosexuality. Scripture is clear about sexual sin, homosexuality, and those who are actively engaged in said sin. I STRONGLY suggest you look to scripture, not memes, or blogs, or even other people, while researching this topic. I can see that you are very passionate about LGBT matters. You feel people who speak out against those lifestyles are bullying. TRUTH isn’t bullying. There are no grey areas in scripture. Jai gave you some great resources. John Piper is an incredible teacher. David Platt is really good too. I will post a link at the bottom of my response. It will send you to the website for my church, Apex Community. Scroll down to the sermon labeled, “The Kingdom and Sexuality Part 2” on 2-17-2013. Shoot, that whole sermon series is incredible. Give it a listen and measure it against Scripture.

    Everyone has experienced hurtful things in their lives. The moment you stop using that as a crutch and reasoning behind your actions, you will begin to move on from it. Jesus tells us that life doesn’t get easier once we come to Him, and it’s true. In regard to you apology, I accept it. The things you’ve done and said have been beyond hurtful, and whether you admit it or not, it made this already hard situation even more so. When Eleanor sets out to learn her story, she will come face to face with the lies that were told about my husband and I, along with her 1st mama. But forgiveness is a process, and I can’t just turn a light switch and say, “Welp, Kristen is forgiven.” I have to make a conscience decision. I’m hoping that Nathan chooses to correct the lies, but he has not up until this point. He has to fix the wrongs, whether he was part of them or not. It’s his responsibility to set people straight.

    Spiritual warfare is real stuff. It’s flipping scary. My sister dabbled in the occult when she was younger, and that filth has followed her around for decades. You need to break that crap off at the source, and RUN AWAY.

    I hope the best for you. At some point, if things go the way we (Ryan and I) want, I’m sure our paths were cross in real life.

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