Divorce and Praise

“I can’t process this. Worst news of my life and I can’t understand. The world as I knew it is no longer there; flipped upside down. I’m expected to grab on and enjoy the ride but life, this is it, I’m no longer fine. You’ve been unfair for far too long and now this? You’ve thrown me to the dogs. But beware of me life, for I will arise and when I come back, I come back with a fight. You’ve beat me and bruised me beyond recognition but this bitch laughs at your confusion. Why haven’t I given up? Why haven’t I stopped? Because, life, your not worth my time. God is my refuge through all the struggle. The things thrown at me out of the blue; Gods prepared me for the truth. The pain hurts right now in this moment. Heck I started out hateful in this poem. But the more I wrote the more I realized that I live for God not for life’s lies. So come at me swinging, give it all you got because I can take it. You’ve beaten me to nothing and Gods molded me into something. I end this saying that nothing is impossible. Even when the end comes, the bottom has been hit, look up! I’ve hit that bottomed tonight it seems, but all I see is blue skies ahead, but a long journey up.”

This is a poem I wrote on FaceBook when i found out that my parents are getting a divorce.  I cant get into too much detail do to the fact that the papers havnt been finalized yet but, this has been the hardest thing ive ever been through.  I’m angry, sad, confused (for reasons i cant explain at the moment), and every other emotion in between.  But one thing that has always been steady is God..no matter how far away i get from him or what im going through, hes always there. Guiding me and leading me down this broken path to his arms and i feel so lucky to know and feel Gods love.  My entire world has just crashed, everything that i knew to be true has just been a fraud..but the only thing that has stood true throughout my entire life is God.  He has never left me no matter how bad things got or how far i wanted to run from him he always watched over me.  I am so incredibly blessed and the people hes brought into my life have just been blessings.  First the McKinney’s are just amazing people.  They are the definition of Christ-like..when i felt like i had no where, no family, it didnt matter what they were going through with Nathan’s case and Sarah’s cancer, they took me in and NEVER asked for anything in return. Just gave me a family and a place to stay and fed me…even through those months that i didnt have a job..they are amazing amazing people who are such an inspiration!  I cannot thank them enough for everything theyve done and continue to do and i cannot thank God enough for putting them in my life.  On top of that Matthew, Rae, and Gr8american from twitter have been amazing! Though i just started talking to Gr8, he is a really great guy.  Matthew and Rae are amazing people who are true friends and whom God put into my life to bring me back to him..had it not been for them i may not of ever made it back to God.  I was so angry and sad that Matthew and Rae snapped me out of that and back to where i needed to be.  So thank you everyone who has just been amazing support and help through these times of need and for just being there to talk.  And thank you God for putting them in my life.