Alright so I just want to express my deep love for God. I mean I had been a Christian all the way up till October of last year. That was the first time in my life that i had ever doubted or questioned God and i honestly don’t know why…whether it be the fascination for magical things or just the love for nature part of Wicca i ended up for months struggling with religion; something i had never experienced before. Some people were very helpful in directing me back to Christ while others damned me and completely discouraged me to go back to Christ. The devil had finally gotten to me; he doesn’t come as a scary red evil being, he comes in hopes and false truths. He comes in your biggest dreams but turns them to your worst nightmares. For months i struggled going back and forth, not able to leave God but not able to fully believe in Christianity. My mom was so fantastic during this time; finding answers to questions i had and inviting me to church when they were going to discuss questions i had. She really does have Christ in her and i couldn’t ask for a better, more Christian-like, mother. She didn’t damn me, or get pissed, she simply lead me back to Christ. I am stubborn though that has always been my downfall. I was about to go back to Wicca again in July when Nathans mom told me her incredible encounter with God and why she has so much faith even through all that her family has been through the past 5 years. Simply put she said i am at peace with my standing with God. Those words echo through my head. Peace with your standing with God? I want that. I want to be firm in my beliefs and i want to know the truth i just don’t know how to get there. A dream one night, i could feel God say I love you, I always have. I woke up with comfort and knowledge. i finally knew what i had to do; bible study. I am a christian but ive never read the bible in its entirety. And let me tell you, ive never been more at peace with God, myself, and life. EVER. I suffer from depression, anger, and bipolar (along with ADD). Ive never been at peace before in my life. Always a struggle internally and externally (bullies). I fight with myself daily. Poetry is my outlet and later i do have a poem i would like to post. But through all that, through all the pain, God has always been there. He kept me strong for so long. He put the right people in my life so when i failed in faith, they would bring me back to him because he has a plan. He has a plan for all of us. Every single one of you reading this whether you believe or not he has a plan for you. He does amazing work everyday and sometimes its the simple things. I had a headache one night and i just bowed my head and prayed. The headache was gone within minutes. It seems so simple but it just showed me God is always listening and always attentive to our problems no matter how big or small!
I kind of just want to ramble today…I have a lot on my mind but I also have a lot that im thankful for. My cat Milo found me in a weird way…i was working at Speedway one night and a customer came in and as i was ringing her out she kind of looked at me funny. She said “would you like a cat?” and i, being allergic to cats, originally said no but when she said that she had found her (later we realized it was actually a him) at the end of her driveway and didnt want him and had no place to take him i crumbled and said “well let me see him.” she brought him in he was gorgeous and she just left. I talked to my Boyfriend Nathan and after he met little Milo he fell in love with him as well. We soon found out that he had worms so bad that they were just falling out of him but once we got that taken care of, he was perfectly healthy. He is the most amazing cat every (and i hated cats before him!) but soon we realized that he was getting lonely whenever we’d leave he would just meow for hours on end until we got back. We decided that we would look for a friend for him and that is when we found Xander up for free on Craigslist 🙂 (that is right after we got back from getting him) After talking extensively with his owner, she was a lovely woman who just wanted to find the best home for her little kittens. Xander was a perfect fit for Milo; more curious than anything where Milo is more laid back they fit together like two peas in a pod! Xander was born 11 October 2013, fitting for a black cat i thought, and Milo we thought was born somewhere in July. Here they are today They love to cuddle and they truly love each other as brothers :3 This is just one out of many things that i am so very thankful for…I am so thankful for my wonderful Boyfriend Nathan we’ve had our ups and downs, good and bad but somehow life always pulls us back together again. No matter how far we go from each other no matter how much we go through, we always end up back in each others arms ❤ we were high school sweethearts for two years then i was going into the army so at the end of summer i broke up with Nathan. I went into the army and ended up being medically discharged which lead me down a dark path of feeling worthless and like i had just utterly failed. I moved out on my own for a year then ended up having to move back in due to my roommate wanting to move back home and other various things. i was in a bad relationship at the time and that’s when Nathan saved me from that…we hadn’t hardly talked for two years and one day we just started again and it was just like old times…he helped me back on my feet and I’ve been helping him through his troubling times with his sister having cancer and him fighting for his daughter (http://www.gofundme.com/68qifs heres a link to his support/funding site if interested in that story). We had our rough patches and even took a break for a couple weeks to gather our strength and courage and to be able to focus on each other even with all the other things going on in our lives. He is the love of my life and I know that no matter what happens he will always be there. He is my security, my safe spot, and my comfort through everything because no matter what he loves me and i know it. He’s the most generous, loving, caring guy that I’ve ever known and i feel so blessed that he chose me of all people to love. NO relationship that i had those two years even came close to anything he ever felt for me or i for him.